Our weekend and the truth

Our weekend was PACKED! Not only was Friday Ryan's birthday, but it was also Brett's company Christmas party with Omni Health & Fitness. We were treated to a lovely dinner at Chris's Steakhouse here in Fayetteville, complete with an open bar. We ducked out early to go home and spend some time with our little men since we both felt bad leaving Ryan with a babysitter on his birthday. But hey, it was one of his favorites, so consider it an extra birthday present for him.

Saturday was dedicated to Ryan's party. We were joined by friends and family along with some of his little friends from school AND his special girlfriend to celebrate the most exciting past 3 years of our lives. He is now the proud owner of a red scooter... the only thing he asked for... in addition to trucks, games, and Cars (the movie) paraphernalia. He is definitely a spoiled, very lucky little boy. His party was in the Kid Zone at the gym where Brett works. Think Monkey Joes. It is about 5,000 square feet of huge blow up jump houses, obstacle courses, a basketball court and jousting area. Adults and kids had an equal amount of excitement! I'm thinking we will go ahead and book it for next year as well. We also went to a Christmas party at the home of some of our friends. This one was kid-friendly so we took Ryan and Liam with us. I kept getting comments and questions about if this is how Liam and Ryan acted all the time and how impressed they were of them. I have to say that one of the best compliments a parent can get is that their children are well-behaved. Of course, you're asking what can Liam do to "misbehave", right? Well, he was just soft, squishy and lovable. He let everyone who wanted to hold him and he smiled and just watched the world go by around him. But Ryan was fantastic. He was lacking a nap and was exhausted from his birthday party and he was just an angel. He played nicely with the other kids, was all smiles and used his manners. I couldn't have asked for better.

Sunday Brett had to work, so Ryan, Liam and I went shopping to spend his birthday money on some much needed clothes for him. It's funny how I have 6 extra large totes upstairs overflowing with clothes from newborn to 2T and all of a sudden I realized that Ryan had no clothes. Ok, so he has clothes, but nothing compared to the stock pile we had up until now. So, we hit up Belks, Gymboree and The Children's Place yesterday. Their sales were fantastic and Ryan was a shopping champ! He picked out several of the items and his prized find was his boots from TCP. He saw them and said, "Mama! I want these shoes!" He's a shoe freak like his Daddy.

We also went shopping for a little girl. Earlier in the month we chose a 2 year old little girl to purchase a few small gifts for so she could have a Christmas. Through all our financial ups and downs this year, I am blessed that I can provide a Christmas for my children and I know I would be devastated if that was absolutely not possible. So, after we went birthday shopping, we went and bought a babydoll, a puzzle and a Mrs. Potato head then wrapped them and put them under the tree at the gym so the Salvation Army could come pick them up today. When I explained to Ryan what we were doing, he surprisingly understood and was all about picking out these items for her. Once again, I'm so blessed to have him as my son.

As for the rest of my Christmas shopping, well we're not done yet. As far as I'm concerned, we have the most important people in our lives completed, our children. I'll go ahead and lay it all out on the table and say that financially, at the moment, we are down. Way down. Not that it is really anyone's business or that you care, but saying it here is a way of me venting and dealing with it a little better. Painting a picture of rainbows and roses is just not real. My blog is real, and I'll continue to keep it that way. This blog is also for my boys. Raising them to know that money is an issue and demands respect is one of my duties to them as a parent. They were not born with silver spoons in their mouths and they will be taught the value of a dollar. Starting a business is not an easy task. Add that to an unpaid maternity leave, well you now have a recipe for financial insecurity. Brett has busted is ass from day one of 3D Golf and it is going well, very well, but we have yet to break even and that is difficult. He is supplementing by working at the gym where he teaches so he can not only bring home a pay check, but also promote 3D on a daily basis. Christmas for everyone else is just not on my priority list. Paying my bills and keeping food on my table is. This "game" and the pressure of providing Christmas has turned me into a Scrooge. This is why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I get to thank God for my many blessings and spend it with family without the pressure of spending money I don't have. Somehow Christmas has turned into this ginormous rush of greed and rules that one must follow; I want "xyz", Let's draw names, but spend $30 on a gift, Gift cards are the best, You have to take your kids to the mall to see Santa, you have to have a Christmas tree or it's not Christmas, you have to drive 80 miles one-way every weekend to take part in Christmas activities. Ok people, let me set something straight... If you really want it, go buy it. Gift cards are just like writing you a check for $x amount. Where is that thought in that? Me, nor my children will get any sort of thrill waiting in line for hours on end at the mall to see Santa Claus. Jesus was born in a barn and died on a cross... tell me where a dead pine tree in my living room fits into that? And finally, gas is over $3/gallon. I can't afford to travel every weekend. It is absolutely horrible that I can't focus on the real reason for Christmas and how blessed I am because I am stressing about how I am going to purchase gifts for those on my list in the next 5 days. This is my reality. If anyone can say that they have never felt this way at some point in their lives, either you're lying through your teeth or you're extremely blessed.

If I have hurt your feelings in any way, I am sorry, I truly am. But I am tired. I'm tired of the added pressure on top of the things I really need to be concerned about. I'm tired of being sent on guilt trips. I'm tired of being told "Remember the reason for the season" and "I want a gift card to Dicks" in the same breath.

I've spent a lot of time praying. I pray that our hard work pays off. I pray that we are able to pay our bills, put food on our table and put gas in our vehicles. I prayed that we would be able to provide a Christmas for our boys without outside help. I've prayed that God holds off on the curve balls long enough for us to get back up after we've been knocked down... again. I've thanked God that we are able to get back up. I've prayed for our health and safety and I've prayed for others. And I pray that this Christmas I will be able to enjoy the holiday without the feeling of failure and see through all this pressure to the real reason we are together to celebrate.

I can't be more real than this.

The BIG 3!

My 'baby' is three. THREE. There, I said it. Time needs to slow down. It's going way to fast. You know when people say they can't remember life before (___fill in the blank__)? Well, it's true. I can't remember my heart before Ryan was born. God could not have blessed us with a more perfect child, and I know everyone says that about their children. He is the most affectionate child I know. He wears his heart on his sleeve just like I do. And he experiences life. He helps me notice things that I should normally notice myself. He "stops and smells the roses" at every chance he gets. He sees the moon, he sees the sunset, he sees people's emotions before I do, even my own. He teaches me daily. I can't say enough good things about him.

Last night I overheard him and Brett while they were in the bathroom. Brett was giving Ryan a bath and Ryan asked, "What's that, Daddy?" and pointed to his wedding band. Brett answered with "Mommy gave me that when we got married." Ryan's response?... "I want to get married. I want one of those."

The innocence and simplicity of his words make my heart melt.

After his bath he and I were chatting. I said to him that tomorrow he will be 3! He said, "yes Mama, I'm 3. I'm a big boy. I'm like Daddy."

I have said it before and I told Ryan last night: I want my boys to grow up to be strong, capable, loving, confident, respectful men. He's well on his way to my wish.

Happy Birthday my sweet Bubbas!

3 Thrilling Months

My Monster is 3 months old today! I'm not sure where the time went, but I'm sad that it's gone. Tomorrow morning we will go to the doc's for a shot and to be weighed. My guess is he's about 15 lbs. 3 weeks ago he was 13.5.

Fun Facts:

Diaper size: He's just graduated out of his size 1's into 1-2's. I'm not sure he will be in those very long! I have a huge stash of them, so I may be returning diapers for a bigger size.
Clothing size: 3-6 months or just plain 6 months. He's just huge. Ha!
Feedings: 7 oz every 3-4 hours with cereal for his reflux.
Sleeping: I'm happy and so lucky to say that he followed in his brother's footsteps and started sleeping through the night at 9 weeks. At school he cat naps all day and goes down for the night between 8 and 9. He'll sleep straight through until about 6:30 and then I put him in our bed and he'll sleep until around 8:30 or 9.
Eye color: still blue!!! There is hope that I'll have a blue-eyed blondie! :)
Playtime: He loves his swing, his lovey, and his baby gym. We have all sorts of toys hanging from his gym. He kicks them, reaches and swats at them and has just in the last couple days started to grab them. We tested out the jumperoo last week. His legs are still too short to reach the floor. He enjoys watching all the action in our house. He's a big fan of Ryan and the dogs. I can see it in his eyes... if he could get up and run after them, he would!
Likes: his loveys (his favorite is a monkey that is soft on one side and silky on the other. It has his name on it), watching the action, swinging, the baby gym, eating (the child can down 7 oz in less than 3 minutes, it's insane), cuddling... oh how he loves to cuddle! Oh, and he likes baths now! Thank God!
Dislikes: Zantac... I'm not sure he'll ever get used to the taste of that stuff. Tummy time. He used to sleep on his belly all the time, but we stopped that when he started at daycare because they can't put him on his stomach to sleep. Now he hates to be on his belly.

Monkey pics...

Christmas card photo shoot... take 1

I attempted taking the boys' pictures this evening for our Christmas cards. I got some cute shots, but nothing that I am happy enough with for our Christmas cards. I saw this really cute idea with the tree lights, however, it was done with one very curious baby who could sit up on her own. Not to mention, it was the work of a pro. I'm no pro, Liam can't sit up by himself, the only interest he really has in the lights is to put them him his mouth and believe it or not, Ryan wasn't too interested in a photo shoot. Nonetheless, here are some fun out takes...

If I had the settings right on my camera, this first one would have been great... but oh well.

Gone ghost

Truth be told, there are not enough hours in the day. I'm sure I'm stating the obvious. For those of you who have been anxiously awaiting an updated post from me, I apologize. I am quite envious of you mommies out there who juggle kid(s), a husband, a job and the house and still find the time to blog. I am not giving up, but still searching for a somewhat structured (and I use the term "structured" ver loosely) evening schedule that allows me some me time... I have a feeling that I'll be searching for such a schedule until Ryan and Liam are married.

My house is no longer the immaculate home it was when I was on maternity leave. With the exception of a few toys scattered throughout the house, my bathrooms were clean, my laundry room never had more than half a load in the hamper, dirty dishes were always in the dishwasher and my floors were spotless. GONE ARE THE DAYS. Gone. Forever. So long clean house! I will miss you! I will learn to live in a "lived in" home. "Lived in" defined as toys scattered from the front door to the back door, dust on my mantle, dirty dishes in my sink, laundry overflowing out of the hamper, coats, hats and bags thrown on the chair beside the door, and towels on the bathroom floor. Yes, my friends... that is what my house looks like right now. No matter how much I pick up and clean, my 3 boys come behind me and dirty it... yes, even the baby! So the way I see it, I can spend each night cleaning up after them, or I can do what is necessary to keep the bugs and DSS away and spend my evening playing and enjoying my family. However, please call prior to visiting so that I can return to my OCD self and really clean my house! :)

In 10 days Ryan will be 3. T-H-R-E-E! In 2 days, Liam will be 3 months. Craziness. Tonight, while giving Ryan a bath we were talking about his birthday party, which will be at Brett's gym in the Kid Zone. It's so exciting to see his excitement about having his friends come play, having cake and opening presents. He now says "Happy Birthday to me! I'm three!!" His theme for his party is the movie Cars. I made his invitations and when I showed them to him he said, "Wow! Thank you, Mommy!" I am so blessed to have a polite child.

Since my last post, Brett has moved onto his golf instruction business full time. He's doing so well and I'm so proud of him! He's had 2 great articles written about him locally; one in a local magazine and the other in the Saturday newspaper. He has thrown himself into this effort and it's paying off. If you can spare them, please say some prayers that he continues doing well. And while you're at it, pray for me as I am alone with the boys most evenings until about 8pm. It's the price we pay for success, I guess. It makes me appreciate even more nights like tonight when he's home to eat dinner with us. It doesn't happen very often anymore.

There are also some changes in the works for me. Unfortunately, I have to be vague at the moment, but I would appreciate some prayers too! :) I will update when I'm able!