Our weekend was PACKED! Not only was Friday Ryan's birthday, but it was also Brett's company Christmas party with Omni Health & Fitness. We were treated to a lovely dinner at Chris's Steakhouse here in Fayetteville, complete with an open bar. We ducked out early to go home and spend some time with our little men since we both felt bad leaving Ryan with a babysitter on his birthday. But hey, it was one of his favorites, so consider it an extra birthday present for him.
Saturday was dedicated to Ryan's party. We were joined by friends and family along with some of his little friends from school AND his special girlfriend to celebrate the most exciting past 3 years of our lives. He is now the proud owner of a red scooter... the only thing he asked for... in addition to trucks, games, and Cars (the movie) paraphernalia. He is definitely a spoiled, very lucky little boy. His party was in the Kid Zone at the gym where Brett works. Think Monkey Joes. It is about 5,000 square feet of huge blow up jump houses, obstacle courses, a basketball court and jousting area. Adults and kids had an equal amount of excitement! I'm thinking we will go ahead and book it for next year as well. We also went to a Christmas party at the home of some of our friends. This one was kid-friendly so we took Ryan and Liam with us. I kept getting comments and questions about if this is how Liam and Ryan acted all the time and how impressed they were of them. I have to say that one of the best compliments a parent can get is that their children are well-behaved. Of course, you're asking what can Liam do to "misbehave", right? Well, he was just soft, squishy and lovable. He let everyone who wanted to hold him and he smiled and just watched the world go by around him. But Ryan was fantastic. He was lacking a nap and was exhausted from his birthday party and he was just an angel. He played nicely with the other kids, was all smiles and used his manners. I couldn't have asked for better.
Sunday Brett had to work, so Ryan, Liam and I went shopping to spend his birthday money on some much needed clothes for him. It's funny how I have 6 extra large totes upstairs overflowing with clothes from newborn to 2T and all of a sudden I realized that Ryan had no clothes. Ok, so he has clothes, but nothing compared to the stock pile we had up until now. So, we hit up Belks, Gymboree and The Children's Place yesterday. Their sales were fantastic and Ryan was a shopping champ! He picked out several of the items and his prized find was his boots from TCP. He saw them and said, "Mama! I want these shoes!" He's a shoe freak like his Daddy.
We also went shopping for a little girl. Earlier in the month we chose a 2 year old little girl to purchase a few small gifts for so she could have a Christmas. Through all our financial ups and downs this year, I am blessed that I can provide a Christmas for my children and I know I would be devastated if that was absolutely not possible. So, after we went birthday shopping, we went and bought a babydoll, a puzzle and a Mrs. Potato head then wrapped them and put them under the tree at the gym so the Salvation Army could come pick them up today. When I explained to Ryan what we were doing, he surprisingly understood and was all about picking out these items for her. Once again, I'm so blessed to have him as my son.
As for the rest of my Christmas shopping, well we're not done yet. As far as I'm concerned, we have the most important people in our lives completed, our children. I'll go ahead and lay it all out on the table and say that financially, at the moment, we are down. Way down. Not that it is really anyone's business or that you care, but saying it here is a way of me venting and dealing with it a little better. Painting a picture of rainbows and roses is just not real. My blog is real, and I'll continue to keep it that way. This blog is also for my boys. Raising them to know that money is an issue and demands respect is one of my duties to them as a parent. They were not born with silver spoons in their mouths and they will be taught the value of a dollar. Starting a business is not an easy task. Add that to an unpaid maternity leave, well you now have a recipe for financial insecurity. Brett has busted is ass from day one of 3D Golf and it is going well, very well, but we have yet to break even and that is difficult. He is supplementing by working at the gym where he teaches so he can not only bring home a pay check, but also promote 3D on a daily basis. Christmas for everyone else is just not on my priority list. Paying my bills and keeping food on my table is. This "game" and the pressure of providing Christmas has turned me into a Scrooge. This is why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I get to thank God for my many blessings and spend it with family without the pressure of spending money I don't have. Somehow Christmas has turned into this ginormous rush of greed and rules that one must follow; I want "xyz", Let's draw names, but spend $30 on a gift, Gift cards are the best, You have to take your kids to the mall to see Santa, you have to have a Christmas tree or it's not Christmas, you have to drive 80 miles one-way every weekend to take part in Christmas activities. Ok people, let me set something straight... If you really want it, go buy it. Gift cards are just like writing you a check for $x amount. Where is that thought in that? Me, nor my children will get any sort of thrill waiting in line for hours on end at the mall to see Santa Claus. Jesus was born in a barn and died on a cross... tell me where a dead pine tree in my living room fits into that? And finally, gas is over $3/gallon. I can't afford to travel every weekend. It is absolutely horrible that I can't focus on the real reason for Christmas and how blessed I am because I am stressing about how I am going to purchase gifts for those on my list in the next 5 days. This is my reality. If anyone can say that they have never felt this way at some point in their lives, either you're lying through your teeth or you're extremely blessed.
If I have hurt your feelings in any way, I am sorry, I truly am. But I am tired. I'm tired of the added pressure on top of the things I really need to be concerned about. I'm tired of being sent on guilt trips. I'm tired of being told "Remember the reason for the season" and "I want a gift card to Dicks" in the same breath.
I've spent a lot of time praying. I pray that our hard work pays off. I pray that we are able to pay our bills, put food on our table and put gas in our vehicles. I prayed that we would be able to provide a Christmas for our boys without outside help. I've prayed that God holds off on the curve balls long enough for us to get back up after we've been knocked down... again. I've thanked God that we are able to get back up. I've prayed for our health and safety and I've prayed for others. And I pray that this Christmas I will be able to enjoy the holiday without the feeling of failure and see through all this pressure to the real reason we are together to celebrate.
I can't be more real than this.
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